This is the second part of my list of all the people I knew from age 4 and age 18 whom I thought about or acted upon in some “erotic” way. This one starts when I started high school and finishes while I’m still in high school. Names may be changed but otherwise, it is true.

Hannah Kendall

I was 13 years old back then and Hannah and I were both in Mr Neil’s Year 9 and 10 extension class (Geniuses!) at Cashmere High School in Christchurch. She had brown hair but with bits of blonde. I think she was the only person in the class who was shorter than me. Her mum was a teacher at the school. I can’t remember what subject, though. Some kind of design subject, I think. I remember I didn’t like her class.

Hannah had a pretty big nose. I didn’t like her to start with because I thought she and her friend, Jenny Ackles, were overly mature because they asked everyone in our class to give $5 to buy Mr Neil’s a birthday gift. I thought this was stupid because:

  • students shouldn’t buy their teachers birthday gifts;
  • at $5 a person, that would make $150 to buy a present which is ridiculous; and
  • I didn’t like Mr Neil.

Instead, I spent $5 on two cans of coke and a pie and brought them to class and told Hannah and Jenny that that’s what I’d done with my money. In spite of this, I was immensely attracted to Hannah. She had really wrinkly “granny” hands.

One time, I was at a party with some guys who I wanted to be friends with. We watched Bad Taste and listened to Hail to the Thief. It was the first party I ever drank alcohol at. I had a cup of vodka and I pretty much skulled it because I had lied about being an experienced drinker and wanted to prove I was not lying even though I was.

I got really drunk and vomited all over my denim jacket and passed out and my friends told me I was yelling, “I don’t care! I want to hold those wrinkly hands! I want those wrinkly hands to be mine!”

Towards the end of Year 9, I “asked her out”. She said yes. I think it made sense because we were the shortest members of the class. That night I planned for the next day. I was going to get her phone number so I could call and we could talk for ages. I was going to invite her to see a movie with me.

The next morning, in first period English class, her friend Jenny came up to me and told me that Hannah had changed her mind and that she “was hurt really badly by the last guy she went out with” and – keep in mind the fact that she was 13 – “wasn’t ready to move on.”

I was sad and didn’t stop liking her for the rest of the year and some of the next year (more on that in the next section). The only date we had was when we ate lunch together on the day I “asked her out”. I drank a 600ml bottle of coke and a vegemite and cheese sandwich my Mum made me.

Darrell Woods

Darell was, and still is, my best friend. I have often thought about him in a romantic way. Once I wanted to kiss him and tell him I was gay and that I wanted him to be my boyfriend. I think he would have gone for it. We both had girlfriends at that time. I feel the urge to tell Darrell this more and more often these days. I think we would be a really good romantic couple. Darrell has a really sharp chin and glasses and grows beards and plays music and writes better then me. Darrell is a vegetarian.

Once I went to his house and ate a pancake with maple syrup. His sister offered me another one and Darrell said, “No. He’s had one. We’ve all had one. let’s put the pancakes away Tash” (Tash was Darrell’s sister).

Georgie Styler

Georgie moved to Christchurch from England when I was in Year 10. There was a mufti day and she wore a denim jacket and denim jeans. My friend, Matt, and I laughed about this privately.

She had nice big cheeks and seemed really worldly to me. She was half Cyprus and half Birmingham. She had previously had a boyfriend (in England) named Aaron (pronounced Erin). She drank alcohol and had the best sense of humour out of anyone I’d met apart from myself. I don’t think I was ever really attracted to anyone (sexually or otherwise) until I meet Georgie. I got a big crush on her but didn’t do anything or say anything because Matt liked her too. He was a lot cooler then me and wore Addidas Superstars. He used to talk about having a big penis and played drums in my band. I played bass obviously.

One time he and I stayed in a big tent at Georgie’s home with Hannah, Georgie, and Bridget Willis. At one point Hannah, Bridget, and I had to leave the tent and I think Matt gave Georgie a hand-job. It made me really sad and I think, heartbroken. Georgie had snuck in a bottle of vodka but I didn’t drink any because I decide after the first time I’d never drink again. Also, I just didn’t want to.

I decided to start liking Hannah again and that night my sleeping bag was beside hers and I stroked her hair. Then in the morning, Georgie’s mum made us pancakes. I don’t think I stopped liking Georgie through the next three years. And then in sixth form, she was in my drama class and I got to be really good friends with her. I constantly longed for some kind of romantic relationship between the two of us. I think she did too. At least I felt what I assume was “chemistry”.

She had broken up with Matt and he sort of bore some resentment which made the whole thing difficult. I feel like I courted her for almost a whole year before anything eventuated. We went to the beach a lot and I would often drive out to her house. We spent all our time together. One time she went to a party and hooked up with this Argentinean exchange student and I cried for about four days and learned to play two Oasis songs on guitar and sang them in my bedroom and pretend to be singing to her.

Our first “real” date was when we went to see War Of The Worlds with her family. we held hands the whole time and then in the back seat of her dad’s car we hid our hand under a polar fleece vest and kept holding hands all the way home. This was the first time I’ve been in love. We went to the sixth form formal together and it was cheesy and amazing and then she hooked up with the same Argentinean at the after party. He was the thorn in our side. I got drunk when that happened and went home and cried and played Legend of Zelda.


By Joseph harper