You’ve heard your mates complaining about them. You’ve read the horror stories online. Hell, some of you have even had to share living spaces with these people – horrible flatmates! The thing about them is that they don’t come in one shape or size. Horrible flatmates come in all shades. Here are some of the classics to look out for.
The one who has deep dark emotional issues.
You have to be careful about this one because she (or he — but let’s face it, probably not) often comes off as a great potential flatmate at the beginning. Everything will start off well and good: laughs at the dinner table, silly flat pranks, and drinks together on a Friday night. This is where things will likely spiral wildly out of control. By the time this emotional wreck pops open the second bottle of bubbles, the hormonal floodgates burst open via her tear ducts. You’ll get an earful about her ex-boyfriend and how happy he looks in all his Facebook photos with his new girlfriend. Don’t, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCE, lend yourself as the shoulder to cry on! In fact, it would be best to casually mention that you’re a psychology major and her emotional traumas are a textbook case of a lack of paternal presence in her life. Maybe it would be in HER best interest to move back in with the folks?
The one who eats all of your food.
We have all been there. It’s been one of ‘those days’ and you’re ultimately thankful for the Chinese leftovers just waiting for you at home in the refrigerator. When you get home, lo and behold, your Chinese is nowhere to be found yet there is a lingering stench that smells suspiciously of recently microwaved chow mein. What the f*$%!! Not only that, but your darling flatmate decided to top off his Chinese feast with the last of your tomato sauce. When you pound down the door to give him a piece of your mind, you find him arm deep in your bag of potato chips… but, “Don’t worry man, I’ll pay you back when I hit up the shops next week.” Yeah… right.
The one that yields dodgy Google searches.
This flatmate is likely welcomed into your living quarters under desperate financial circumstances. His lack of eye contact and mismatched surnames on move-in paperwork spark your suspicions nearly immediately. Naturally, you turn to the ultimate truth bank — Google, which only intensifies the concerns you have in sharing a toilet seat with this guy. Archived newspapers clippings surrounding pedophilia and animal cruelty seem to trend under his name search. Under more careful investigation, you discover amateur sketches of a recent breaking and entering intruder which bare uncomfortable resemblance to the dude in your kitchen.
The one who doesn’t actually live there, but dates someone who does.
You take an early day from Uni and so looking forward to the prospect of getting home first for once for a few quiet hours to yourself. Despite your highest hopes, you return home to find your flatmate’s girlfriend lying on the couch watching re-runs of Shortland Street. Remnants of her lunchtime attempts at domestic godessness are sprawled all over the kitchen bench. You drown your frustrations in the chores you’ve been putting on the back burner only to find that the washing machine is already occupied with your non- flatmate’s ‘delicate cycle’. Oh, yeah? You think that washing powder paid for itself?! Cough up a few bucks honey!
The one who arranges refrigerator condiments in alphabetical order (AKA: the OCD one).
You just put away the rest of the dishes and gave the bench a solid wipe down only to spy your flatmate staring judgmentally from behind her “House and Gardens” magazine. Within five minutes, she’s rearranged all the cutlery and re-wiped the entire surface area of the flat. This is all well and fine until the passive aggressive notes follow the next morning, reprimanding you for using the same tea towel to wipe the bench AND the dining table. God forbid! This flatmate is a notorious party pooper, obsessively disinfecting the furniture when your Westie mates show up.